We Are Trying to Defend Fatherhood

Platform of Good Fathers is a one year old organization founded by Ali Bayrı, Çetin Kılıç and Burçin Özkan, who got education in Mother Child Education Foundation, AÇEV’s “Father Support Programme”. It is open to every father, not hierarchically organized and does not have legal entity yet. This Platform has been improving itself in Bilgi University’s Social Incubation Center.

Interview: Esra Atalay, 26.02.2018

We interviewed Burçin Özkan, who is one of the founders of the Platform, a father and a teacher, about his father and fatherhood experiences.

What was your story in joining AÇEV’s Father Support Programme?

We weren’t educated in family counselling back in the university. We were just educated in teaching programmes. When I first started teaching in Rize, I went and talked to the children in the village but there was always something missing. I knew what it was. One day, I made a survey among first graders and asked only one question. Replies affected me a lot. The question was: “What would you ask as a present from your parents?” Then, I conducted the same poll among the parents: “What would your child ask as a present from you?” I matched all the answers. Everyone left after the meeting but one of the parents stayed. Her eyes were filled with tears. She showed her child’s paper. Her answer was “If I wanted a present from my parents, it would be my father’s showing me some affection.” This story changed my life.

Then, I met AÇEV in 2010 and started giving trainings on family counselling to fathers. Now, I am both a group leader and field consultant in AÇEV. First, I attended a trainers training for 15 days in 2010, then started family counselling programmes everywhere. We focused on a subject with 15-25 fathers each week.  We talked about children’s social, physical, sexual developments and how to improve positive behaviours while dismissing negative ones. We have a manual; we talk with the fathers about the subjects there.

How did you come up with the idea of establishing a platform?

This programme ends in three months’ time. After seven years, we decided to get together. After programme ends, fathers usually meet each other and regret not get together again. But, of course, it is not possible to have an endless training. After these trainings, we see great changes in fathers. They communicate, play and spend time with their children.

There is something interesting in the recent research about fatherhood in Turkey. 92% of men want to be a father but when being asked about who the responsible of a child is, 91% of them say it is the mother. This is an interesting paradox. Fathers love children but they say mothers are responsible for them.

After our training, fathers become more engaged with their children. We know mothers who say “My husband never washed the dishes but now he started helping me with them.” While fathers spend more time with their children, their social environment also changes. They have more control over their anger.

Which purpose was this platform established to answer?

Society does not support fathers in anything about fatherhood. Not a university or a training programme. It does not help mothers, too. However, mothers have people to get support. Their mothers for example. If a mother doesn’t know how to reduce the fewer of her child or is need of a help about cooking, she can call and get help from their mother. Fathers don’t, on the other hand, because they didn’t take any responsibility about his child’s care by this time. He didn’t go to any parents’ meeting or change the diaper. He only gave economic support. The research results show that the fathers think watching TV together with their children is the best free time activity. We are talking about a father who never spent time, played with his children.

Our aim as Good Father Platform is to exchange good experiences among the fathers. We did a field study on this subject. We asked some questions to fathers who joined our trainings. One of the fathers told about his experience which was really interesting. He said “I have a ten years old daughter. Orthodontist said she needed dental braces. I tried everything to make her wear them. I bought her presents or sometimes punished her. I even got done a pair for myself. I wish there was another father that faced the same problem so that we could have exchanged experiences and found a solution.” This is what we are trying to do hear: Exchange experiences.

How do you exchange experiences?

On social media.